Etiam sanato vulnere, cicatrix manet
by harmony mackenzie rabb
Summary: Harm is raising the child of Sergei and Singer. Harm is still in love with Mac, and they had to part long ago. Thus the title of this piece, meaning in Latin, though the wound has healed, the scar remains. Even though the pain of that loss isn't as sha


Etiam Sanato Vulnere, Cicatrix Manet  
  
Author: melfina_gene_starwind  
  
Email:harmonymacenzierabb@yahoo.com  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: Harm is raising the child of Sergei and Singer. He is still in love with Mac, but they had to part long ago. Thus the title of this piece, meaning in Latin, though the wound has healed, the scar remains. Even though the pain of that loss isn't as sharp as it was when it was fresh, it's still there...it's inexorable...it's a hurt that will never fully fade.  
  
Classification: romance  
  
Spoilers: None  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the JAG characters, but I do own   
  
Elizabeth (Beth for short) and Alexander (Every one calls him Harm). The song is by Don McLean, it's entitled, 'And I Love You So'  
  
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And I love you so. The people ask me, how I've lived 'til now. I tell   
  
them, 'I don't know.' I guess they understand, how lonely life has been...   
  
***********************************************************  
  
I first laid eyes on him yesterday; sitting astride his beautiful black and white stallion. He had perfect form. He looked at one with the   
  
horse. With his brown hair and blue eyes he could sweep any girl off of their feet. He was jumping his horse over what seemed to be a 5-foot double jump. I could not keep my eyes off of him.  
  
As I was looking at them, my horse, Raven, whom I may say, is high, strong and has the spirit of an eagle, started to stomp the ground. I had planned on doing some jumping because I had an upcoming show jumping competition, however, since all the rings were being used at the moment I had decided to go on a trail ride.  
  
That was yesterday. Today I am at home thinking about that same guy. I cannot get those amazing blue eyes out of my head. They had pierced my soul and left a scar. I didn't get his name because I never got around to asking anyone at the stables. It was odd that I didn't know who this person was because my dad always informed me about the newest people at the stable. He is the one that owns this place. Our house is right next to the largest barn. I guess being away for the past 6 months in a foreign country can leave you knowing little about the changes going on back home. I had been an exchange student. I'd stayed with a family in London, England. It was a blast but I missed my horse, the rest of my family, and most of all, my dad. Harmon Rabb, Jr. He has always been both my mom and my dad. We're incredibly close. He's actually not my real father, even though I always refer to him as, 'dad'. He's my uncle by blood. My mom had not wanted me because she wanted to pursue her Naval career. Like my dad, she had been a lawyer for the US Navy. Both of them had worked at JAG headquarters.   
  
My mom's name was Lt. Lauren Singer and from what I have learned from my Uncle Bud and Aunt Harriet, no one in the office had liked her. She had met my real father, my dad's brother,   
  
Sergei, and they'd had a thing for awhile. He left for Russia never   
  
knowing that he had a daughter. And he had died a few months later in a car crash.  
  
My mom had told my dad that he could take guardianship of me just a few days before she gave birth to me. Once the papers were signed and I was born, my uncle had turned into my father. My mom has never seen me again because, she just didn't want to, I guess. She disappeared shortly after my birth, and no one has seen her since. My father decided to leave JAG. He has told me that he left because he needed to give me a better life, however I think there's another reason that he's keeping from me. And so, a 40-year-old man packed up his life and his 2-week-old   
  
daughter and moved to California. However, he missed Falls Church and all his friends who were like family to him, and moved back a year later.   
  
When he got back he had gotten a job at a law firm. That was 17 years ago and in between, of course, a lot has happened. First of all he started his own law firm with Uncle Bud and Uncle Sturgis. He has always had a love of horses and has had a dream of owning a stable. I inherited that love for these beautiful creatures. I had learned how to ride before I could even walk. He now owns his own stable, which is managed by Aunt Harriet, who has always been like a mother to me, and her son AJ. AJ has always been like an older brother to me.  
  
Other than the strange sort of secret hovering over our home, I have a great life. For some reason my father never married. I know that he was in love with this woman named Sarah for two reasons. One, I sometimes hear him call her name out in his dreams at night. The second reason is that in our living room we have a painting of this woman in a military outfit. She has short brown hair and dark eyes. At the bottom of the painting there is the name Sarah. When I asked Aunt Harriet who she was, the only thing she would vaguely say is that I would have loved her. I don't understand them half of the time. They have also mentioned that my middle name was given to me because of her. This is the only information that I seem to be privy to.   
  
I have no idea what all this means. My middle name is Mackenzie. My dad calls me Mac. He is the only one that calls me that. The rest of my family and friends call me Beth or Liz.   
  
"Mac, will you please come here?", my dad calls to me from the bottom of the stairs.  
  
"Coming!" I scream as I get up from my bed. I walk down the hall to the stairs. I look down at a man who, for some reason, still looks like he s 40 instead of 57. He still has brown hair and dazzling blue eyes. Dazzling blue eyes...Oh my god, he looks a lot like an older version of that guy that was jumping yesterday. I realize.  
  
"Mac, please get down here. I need to talk to you about something," he says, looking at me with the kind of love a father has for his only daughter.  
  
I start walking down the stairs, wondering what I did now. As my dad walks into the living room I notice that guy from yesterday is sitting on our zebra couch. I wonder why he is here.  
  
"Mac, I would like you to meet Harm," my dad introduces, as a look of shock covers my face. My dad's name is Harm. What the hell is going on? My father sees my face flush bright red and my eyes widen.   
  
"What's wrong, Mac?"  
  
My dad has an expression that tells me that he is only slightly worried about me. He's also looking at me with that laughing twinkle in his eye.   
  
"He has the same name as you. It just surprised me, that's all." All this time Harm was sitting silently on our couch. His face is more beautiful up close. His eyes sparkle at me with curiosity. His hair is   
  
spiked which make me wonder how he keeps it like that under his riding helmet.   
  
"Harm, I would like you to meet my daughter, Elizabeth," my dad introduces, as Harm gets up to shake my hand. I am trembling and I don't know why. My heart is traveling a mile a minute. I have butterflies in stomach. What's wrong with me? I have never felt this way before.  
  
"Call me Mac or Beth, it really doesn't matter to me. It's a pleasure to meet you, Harm. I saw you riding yesterday. That's a beautiful stallion you have. What's his name?" I ask as we sit down on the couch. My dad takes the other couch. All of this time he has had a smile spread across his face. But I am worried about him because his eye falls upon the picture of Sarah and I notice the smile flee from his face.  
  
"His name is Black Hawk. I call him Hawk for short. It's also a pleasure to meet a beautiful lady like yourself." He smiles and his whole face brightens up. Uh-oh, we've got a smooth talker here. I, of course, turn even redder, and turn my face away from him to my dad who is chuckling softly. I try to recompose myself for a moment.  
  
"What's so funny, dad?" I ask, only a little annoyed at the great joke that seems to be amusing him, at my expense.  
  
"He sounds so much like me. Are you sure you're not my son?" The smile that was on the young Harm's face turned in to a frown and his head lowers.  
  
"I'm sorry I didn't mean to upset you. I forgot you never knew your father."  
  
"It's okay. My mom's been great. She's always been there for mother, father and me. Now I didn't came here to talk about that." He looks back at me and says, "I would love to learn the trails around here. I was hoping you could take me some time, and show me around."   
  
"Sure, I'd love to. If you like we can even go today." I tell him nonchalantly. My father has begun to smirk, and there's no way I'm giving him any more fodder. You can bet we'll be discussing this later. He's lucky I love him so much.  
  
"I would love to but I have to wait for my mom to call me from New   
  
York." He tells me with a smile. Once again his eyes pierce my soul and I can't stop looking at him. He sees that am looking at him and his eyes make contact with mine. I can't hold in the smile or the fact that my face does it again, it turns red.   
  
"I understand. We'll go whenever it's convenient for me. Since school is out for the summer, I have free time every day. Did you just move into the area?" I ask.  
  
"Yes, my mom wanted me to get away from city life like the one in New York City. I'm going to finish high school here. At the moment I live with my godfather."  
  
"What high school are you going to go to? I go to The Blue Ridge Riding Academy."  
  
"I'm not sure yet, my mom is going to tell me today. It is a surprise she tells me. I would love to go to a riding academy. What grade are you going to be in?" The younger Harm queries.  
  
"I will be a senior." I inform him as I look to see why my father has been so quiet. He seems to have gone into another universe. I can't see any emotion in his face, but his eyes, how does that old cliché go, and are the windows into his soul. I can see the hurt in them as he looks at the painting of Sarah. He had, had the painting before I was even born. I had always thought that she was beautiful and I've always wondered if that was the Sarah that he had once been in love with and is still in love with. He has told me that he had purchased the painting at a flea market. I, of course, didn't buy it, there were too many clues that the lady in the painting was real. Harm looks at me and then turns his head to get a look at what my dad is so entranced with. His eyebrows rise and his mouth falls agape in astonishment. I could tell that some thing was odd going on here.   
  
"Harm are you okay? What's the matter? You look like you've seen a ghost?" At that moment a knock comes from our front door, so I get up to answer it. As I open the door I see that it's grandpa AJ.   
  
"Grandpa what are you doing here?" I ask as I give him a big hug and he gives me one back twice has hard.   
  
"I can't come see my favorite granddaughter, who I have not seen in 6 months?" He inquires, in his usual charmingly gruff manner, as he walks into the living room and sees Harm. "There you are Alex. I thought you said you were going to wait for me at Hawk's stall." I was surprised to see that my grandpa and Harm knew each other.  
  
"What's going on? Why did you call Harm Alex? How do you two know each other?" The questions tumble out of my mouth, tripping over themselves.  
  
"He is my godfather and my first name is Alexander. I didn't know that you were his granddaughter." Harm says, a note of surprise tingeing his voice.  
  
"Well he really isn't my real grandpa, I just call him that. I have since I was a baby. "   
  
"I don't mean to cut this short Beth, but I need to take Alex home because his mom is going to call to tell him what school he will be going to." Grandpa AJ says. He than peers over at my dad who has not even noticed that he has arrived. "Harm you really need to stop looking at that picture, it's all in the past." My dad glances up at him and gets up to say hi.   
  
"AJ when did you get in? I see that you came to pick up Harm." His eyes meet grandpa's and they share a moment of some sort. Then my dad looks back at the painting, and then at Harm, and then back to AJ. I have no idea what all this means. But it just serves to heighten my innate, insatiable curiosity. My guardian is Harmon Rabb, after all. I learned everything I know from him, frightening as that may sound to some.  
  
"Yes, I came to pick Alex up. His mother is going to call him from my house, " he asserts. "We need to talk later Harm but right now Alex and I have to go. Take care of yourself Beth, and Harm if you still feel the same way about-" He looks at the painting then back at my father.   
  
"You need to tell her." My dad is speechless, which is a shock for me because he is not only a lawyer, but as I mentioned before, a Rabb, and I have never seen him at a loss for words. AJ hugs me and says good-bye.   
  
"It's been nice to meet you Beth, could you do me a favor?" Harm asks me.  
  
"Sure!" I say.  
  
"Could you lunge Hawk a bit later, for me? I was unable to ride him today and he gets upset if he does not have a workout every day." He asks me with a grin.  
  
"Sure I'd love to. I have nothing better to do." I reply.  
  
"Great, and thanks! If you have any questions about him just call me at AJ's house. I'll see you tomorrow." He says as he gives me a perfectly innocent, yet knee-buckling kiss on the cheek.   
  
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But, life began again, the day you took my hand...   
  
*******************************************************************  
  
I did has he asked me to do, I lunged Hawk for about an hour. He is a sweet stallion. The next day I'm in my riding gear, ready to take on some jumps. I go to the tack room were Raven's things are. On my way I take a deep breath of the clean morning air. I love this time of day. It's about 6 in the morning and there are no riders in any of the rings. So I have a chance to use the best ring that has jumps that are like the ones in the shows that I'm in.   
  
As I get my gear I pass Hawk's stall and see that he is not in there. I'm not going to freak because he isn't there. I see that the halter is on the stall door, so I guess that Harm must be here somewhere. I walk past a few more stalls before I get to Raven's.I pat my baby and saddle him up. When I get outside I mount my horse and head to the ring to find that Harm is in there. He's jumping again.   
  
He sees me and waves hi. I see him walk his horse over to me.  
  
"Hi there! You're up early." He greets jovially.  
  
"Well, I could say the same thing to you, you know. I get up this early so I can use this ring. I really need to practice for next weekend." I reply, returning his irrepressible smile.  
  
"If you like I can go use another ring. It doesn't matter to me," he offers.  
  
"Could you please? That's really nice of you. Oh, before I forget, what school are you going to go to?" I ask.  
  
"My mom says that am going to go to your school. Which makes me happy because I'd love to make riding a career. Do you mind if I watch you?" He queries. Is he serious?  
  
"No, you can watch. I'm glad that you'll be going to my school. Maybe we can end up being good friends. Would you like to have a picnic later? There's a perfect place on one of the trails. That way you can learn at least one of the trails around here." I offer hesitantly.  
  
"That would be cool and that way we can talk. I'd like to ask you something," he agrees, as he turns to leave the ring. I enter it and start walking my horse so I can warm him up. After about 10 minutes of that, we start to canter around the ring. I make a course out of the jumps in my head and start to jump them.   
  
*****************************************************************  
  
Yes, I know how lonely life can be. The shadows follow me, and the night won't set me free. But I won't let the evening get me down. Now that you're around me.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
Harm watched me jump for the whole hour. Since I didn't want Raven to get over heated I decided to use one of the other horses that I owned. It was still a bit early to go for a picnic so I told Harm that he should go do some jumping while I cool Raven down, and he decided to do so.After cooling Raven down, I groomed him and put him in his pasture. I decided to use Alaska who was a gelding that my dad used when he went riding with me. Alaska is a white Arabian, very gentle, he gets along   
  
with anything. I left him in his stall for the moment and I went to see how Harm was doing. He was just finishing.   
  
"Harm, I'm going to go pack our lunch before we go. If you like you can use another horse." I told him.  
  
"That's okay, Hawk isn't even sweating yet. If you like I can tack up Alaska for you while you go do want you need to," he generously offers.  
  
"If you could that would be great." He dismounts Hawk and walks over to me. He gazes into my eyes, which makes me flush hotly once again. I like to grab him and kiss him like there's no tomorrow, but that's not me.   
  
"You know you're very pretty when you blush like that." He says as he kisses my cheek. Then he leads Hawk away leaving me standing there like an idiot.  
  
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And you love me too. Your thoughts are just for me...  
  
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We are now on the trail that will lead us to the place that is my secret haven. No one knows it's even here, or at least I don't think they do. As we get about a mile away from the stable, Harm starts to talk to me.  
  
"So how many years have you lived here?" He inquires.  
  
"All my life. Well, since we moved from California. I was born in this area, but for some reason my father had decided to leave here after I was born. He came back though. Missed it too much." I acknowledge pensively.  
  
"Your dad is a lawyer right? My mom's one. She's good. Very good. Of course, I may be a little biased," he laughs. I smile at that.   
  
"Yes, he is. He's one of the best. He used to be a Navy lawyer. Just like grandpa AJ and a few other people closest to me. They all worked at JAG headquarters. It's not that far from here." I look over at him, trying to discern his reaction to my declaration.  
  
"That's cool. My mom worked there about 17 years ago." He turns his face away from me, so I can't see his facial expression, and prods horse to go quicken its pace. "Are you going to be a slow poke Beth?"  
  
"Hey, wait for me! Come on Alaska let's show them who can run." I prod him to go in to a canter.  
  
"Hold on we're going to miss the turn at this speed! Slow down will you, Harm?" I shout entertainingly at the back of the guy of my dreams. He slows down enough so that our horses are neck to neck. "It's this way!"   
  
I pronounce, as I turn my horse to the left were there is no path trodden in the earth at all, but there is enough space for a horse to pass though. He follows me though the trees. When I come to a halt we reach a lake that's covered by trees so tall you can't see the tops.  
  
"Wow, Beth this is so cool, " he avows as he gets off his horse. I don't even notice him coming over to me. He grasps my hand and I look down.   
  
"Are you going to come down from there or do I have to help you?"   
  
I swing my leg over the front of my horse while Harm helps me down. As I dismount, I find myself in his arms. I don't know how I got there, but here I am looking once again into his eyes.   
  
"Do you really like it? I'm glad," I utter breathlessly. I'm such asap. I can't take my eyes from him and before I know it I kiss him. It only lasted a few seconds but it felt like eternity. When I come back to myself, I realize what I just did, and I back out of his arms. "OH! I'm sorry I didn't mean to do that, well I did but not..." He stopped me with another kiss.  
  
"Don't worry about it. I'm glad you kissed me. I've wanted to do kiss you. I have since the first time I saw you the other day. I really like you." He smiles and gives me a hug. "Why don't we eat something now? There are some more things I need to tell you." I nod my head in acquiescence and I go get the lunch out of my saddlebag. I'm still out of it from the kiss.  
  
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You set my spirit free. I'm happy that you do.   
  
*****************************************  
  
About an hour later we finish eating and are just lying lazily on the blanket. Harm stares down at it and then glances up at me. He looks as if he is deeply saddened over something. I can see into his soul though his eyes. There is loneliness there. I touch his face and its cold. Which makes me worry a bit more, because it's 80 degrees outside.   
  
"Harm, what's the matter? You can tell me." He sits up and holds his hand out to me. So, I take it. He pulls me in for a hug. I lay my head on his shoulder, am not used to feeling so close to a guy. I never rush into anything with a guy, but he is so different.  
  
"I was just thinking that I wish I had known my dad. That's all, don't worry about me. I'm happy that mom said I could move here." I felt sad with him about his father, but glad that he was happy about being here.   
  
"Beth do you know who that woman in the painting is in your living room?" I look at him with curiosity.  
  
"I think I might know. From what I've gathered her name is Sarah and my dad was in love with her. Well he still is. I have heard him call her name out in his sleep. When I ask Aunt Harriet or Uncle Bud about her all they will tell me is that I would have loved her and that my middle name came from her name. I really don't understand it. Why do you ask?" I look at him, searchingly, though his eyes tell me nothing this time.  
  
"The reason I asked is because she looks a lot like someone I know, that's all. I think we should go now. It's getting late." We pack up and leave. He strengthened my unquenchable curiosity about the woman in the painting. I began wondering on the way home who the person really was and how Harm could've known her. When we get back to the stables we put the horses away.   
  
"Beth?" Harm calls to me from outside of Alaska's stall.  
  
"Yeah?" I question.  
  
"I was wondering if you wanted to go out sometime," He asks me. At that moment my heart jumps into my throat. I swallow the giant lump in my throat.  
  
"Sure that would be nice." I murmur, trying to maintain some dignity behind Alaska's hindquarters.   
  
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The book of life is brief. Once a page is read, all but love is dead. This is my belief.  
  
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Two weeks later...  
  
I have had a blast with Harm these past few weeks. And when we kiss the world around me does not exist. I love going on trail rides with him and we go to the same picnic stop at least twice a week. My dad at the moment has gone on a trip. Actually, he's been gone for the past two weeks. And, I've been so occupied with Harm I haven't even thought about the picture or the mysterious Sarah's true identity. I'm sitting in the living room when the doorbell rings. I get up to answer it. I open the door to see the lady from the painting in front of me. My mouth hangs open. I don't know what to say, and, even if I did, I'm sure I couldn't muster any words out at this moment right now. She notices my expression and shifts a little uncomfortably, her smile fading just a bit into uncertainty. Her voice is warm and gentle. I almost want to reach out and touch her, make sure she is truly flesh and blood, and not a ghost, or an angel, somehow, standing before me.  
  
"Hi. Are you okay?" The lady inquires.  
  
"Sarah?" Is all I can gasp.  
  
"How did you know my name? Are you Beth?" I nod my head numbly, and then realize that I'm being rude.  
  
"I-I'm sorry. I'm being rude. Please come in." I stammer as I move to let her pass. She comes in and gives me a hug.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?" She questions me again, but what do I say to the woman that my dad loves. All these years she's seemed almost unreal to me.  
  
"Yes, I-I am but well the thing is... please follow me and you'll see..." She nods her assent, and I lead her to the living room, where the painting is. "As you can see she looks so much like you and your name is at the bottom of the painting." Now, it's her turn to stammer.  
  
"Y-yes, I see. Uh, Would you like to know the story behind that picture? It is me by the way. You've grown up a lot since last time I saw you. Of course, you were just a baby at the time." She sat down on the zebra couch and requested me to sit next to her. I was still amazed that she was real, and that she looked even more beautiful than the painting could convey.  
  
"First tell me, Beth, is your father around here somewhere?" She looks at me with a strange expression on her face.  
  
"No, you don't need to worry about him. He's on a business trip right now with Uncle Bud." I look at her and I start to cry. I'm not sure why, maybe because of the shock, maybe because of her kindness, or maybe I'm crying for the man who has been like a father to me. Who never truly forgot this woman. Who's been tortured by her memory for as long as I can remember. The pain Sarah's loss has engendered has been his companion all these years. It never left him. She places her arms around me and it feels so safe. "Please tell me why you two are not together."  
  
"Is that why you're crying?" she lifts my head to look at her, and wipes the tears away. And somehow, it seems like she saw with her large brown eyes the darkness in my soul, that has been my own companion all these years. And as she reaches out and brushes away a tear, that with that touch she also soothes away some of the pain I've felt. "I can only tell you my side to it, but before I do that has he even married?"  
  
"No, he has been in love with you all this time. He calls your name out in his sleep at night and he just sits here sometimes and looks at your painting for hours."  
  
"Beth, this is this the reason we're not together..." So I sit here with her arm around my shoulder listening.  
  
"First of all, Harm, your guardian, and I had worked at JAG for many years and we loved each other. Once we finally told each other how we felt, we were the happiest people alive. During this time your mom, Lauren got pregnant with you. At first I didn't know that your father was Harm's brother. Your mom left for awhile because she was going to put you up for adoption. Harm and I, well, we had been sleeping with each other for awhile after we had finally admitted our feelings. I don't know how much you know, but, we were the champion slow-movers. Eventually, I got pregnant." She looks at me with a smile and continues.  
  
"At that time your mom was about to give birth to you. Harm and I went to visit her because Harm wanted to adopt you and, after going to great lengths, and what seemed like an interminable amount of time, she finally conceded to letting Harm have guardianship. I was to become your mom, at least, like a mom, once Harm and I got married which was going to be very quickly. As a surprise for me, he used my last name Mackenzie as your middle name." Now, I knew why Aunt Harriet kept saying that my middle name came from Sarah. "We were so incredibly busy all this time, that I had not had time to tell him that I was going to have his baby.   
  
Now this may sound foolish to you, it sounds foolish to me now but back then it didn't. I was about three months along, and really emotional. I had entered the office one day to stumble upon your father talking to   
  
Bud in his office. He was saying, 'Beth didn't sleep at all last night! I can't imagine going through that again.' At the time I took to heart what he was saying. But I didn't let it get to me at first, but then I walked by his office later in the day and he was talking to someone on he phone. This is what I heard, ' . . . one's fine, but two would be out of the question.'" Sarah seems as if she has a very tenuous control over the overwhelming emotions she is reliving, and I hug her.   
  
"It's okay," was all I could say. She takes a deep breath and then   
  
starts talking again.  
  
"I was upset and I didn't know what to do. I thought that Harm didn't want the baby and that he had enough with one. I decided then, and there that I was going to leave JAG. I needed to provide for my child and working at JAG was not going to cut it. And so, without discussing it with Harm, I went to the Admiral and told him that I was pregnant. From there I took leave and just left without telling anyone where I was going except the Admiral whom I had made promise me, not to tell Harm where I was going."  
  
I look at her and see a woman that has gone though a lot. But I'm upset over about what I'm hearing. "That doesn't make any sense. My father would never not want another child. Especially his child. Why didn't he follow you? Why didn't you two talk?" I question weakly.  
  
"Beth, that's what hurt me more than anything." She states miserably. He didn't follow me or even ask the Admiral where I was. He just didn't care and by the time I found out the true reason he hadn't come after me, 10 years had passed and it was just too late. Please, don't ask me why he didn't follow me. You need to ask him that. I just thought that you should know the truth to all of this. My son was getting worried about you. You know he loves you quite a bit." When she told me that her son loved me, I was shocked, and it suddenly hit me, Harm looked like my father.   
  
"NO!" I ran from her to the other side of the room. Aunt Harriet heard me and ran into the living room were she saw Sarah.  
  
"Mac!" She sputters. Then she turns to me and I think she understands why I screamed. "Beth, sweetie? Are you ok? I see you've met Mac." Sarah, at the moment, is standing there, looking lost. Aunt Harriet gives me a hug. "Beth, I think you need to go take a nap, or go see Raven. Calm own, okay. She's not going anywhere."  
  
As I'm about to leave, I turn around and run into Sarah's arms. She hugs me hard and plants a small kiss on top of my forehead. "I have always loved you Elizabeth, please never forget that." I run out of the room to find dad in the hallway. I turn my head back to peer into the room and see Sarah and Harriet hugging and Harriet looking at me.  
  
***************************************************************  
  
Yes, I know how loveless life can be...   
  
***************************************************************  
  
My dad gives me a hug and holds me for a long time. He leads me intohis study.  
  
"I think you need to hear my side of the story, darling."We sit on his couch and he starts to tell me his side of the story.   
  
"Sarah and I had been seeing each other for awhile and I wanted to adopt you because your mom didn't want you. But you know that already. You also know that your mom wouldn't let me adopt you, she would only let me take guardianship over you. So, Sarah and I agreed that this was better than nothing, and we agreed. I didn't know that Sarah was going to have my baby. The first few nights that I had you were trying. Needless to say, it was exhausting, I was not used to it and I may have said things I didn't mean. I had always wanted to have a child with Sarah.   
  
The comment she heard on the phone, if I remember correctly, was not even about me. I was talking about something that the spouse of a deceased soldier, who was worried that her unborn child could be twins, had told me." He looked like he was about to cry but he held it back. Something I had never seen him do my entire life.While he was talking I heard foot steps in the hall way that stopped right in front of the study, but I continued to listen to my dad.   
  
"Sarah, from what I have been told by a close friend of ours, had taken what I had said wrong. But, like I've said, I didn't even know that she was going to have a baby. Then, that same day I get a call from her doctor trying to confirm the appointment she'd made for her check-up. At this point, I am astonished, but very happy and I go and try to find her. But I can't find her anywhere. Not at her apartment, nor in the office. I'm sitting in her office when she gets a call and I pick it up. The person starts to give me information about how to get an abortion and when Mac, Sarah, can come in. At this point I'm pretty angry, and I go to the Admiral to see if he knows where she is. All he can tell me is that she's taken personal leave and will not be coming back. By now, I believe that she has to kill our baby and I want nothing to do with her. And so, a few days later I leave JAG and take you to California. You know the rest." That's when he starts crying. He only lets a few tears slip past his defenses. I get closer and hug him. "I didn't know that I still had a son, not until recently. Harm reminded me of what our child could've looked like, because he looked so much like me. And I couldn't help but think about all I had missed. Oh God, I love her so much!" He sounds miserable and his voice cracks a little. I've never seen him like this.  
  
"This can't be happening! You know that I have fallen in love withHarm, don't you?" I shout at him as I run out of the room. I run into Sarah who has tears in her eyes. She tries to grab me but is not able. My dad comes out of the door and runs into his long lost love.  
  
"Oh my God!! Sarah?" He says as he falls to the ground crying. I have never seen him like this. He seems so fragile. She kneels down and wraps her arms around him. Her voice trembling, she whispers something indiscernible to him.  
  
**********************************************************  
  
The shadows follow me, and the night won't set me free.   
  
**********************************************************  
  
I sit in on my bed with tears streaming down my red, sore face. I hear a knock on the door and the person comes in with out waiting for me to say they can. Of course, it's Harm.  
  
"Hey, sweetheart, please don't cry anymore. Be happy that they found each other again. They needed this more than any two people needed anything." He says as he walks over and sits next to me on my bed. He gingerly wipes away a few tears and softly kisses my red cheek.   
  
"How can you be so calm, you're my father's son. That means we are related. It may not be brother and sister but we are cousins." I place my head on his chest and he just holds me until I slowly relax.   
  
"Harm let's go for a ride please. I need some fresh air." He agrees, so we go on a ride.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
But, I don't let the evening get me down. Now that you're around me.  
  
*****************************************************************  
  
Both of us are quiet on the trail that leads to our favorite spot. I had fallen in love with him in only a few weeks. I still had not told him how I felt, but it doesn't even matter now. We get to the spot and dismount.  
  
"Beth, listen to me. All of this, about Harm being my father. I knew since I was little. My mom wanted me to meet him and see if I liked him myself and I do. I love him." He walks up next to me and puts his arms around my shoulder.   
  
"Why didn't you tell me? I would have tried to make myself not fall in love with you." I look at his eyes and see love in them. "I love you so much." I bury my head in his chest.   
  
"I love you, too. Don't worry so much, we'll try to work something out. I'm not going to let you go no matter what anyone says. Do you understand me?" He lifts my head and looks into my eyes. My knees feel weak and I feel my heart racing. He leans down and kisses me. For a moment, I forget all about what I had learned earlier.  
  
**********************************************************  
  
And I love you so, the people ask me how, how I've lived 'til now. I tell them, I don't know...  
  
**********************************************************  
  
When I get back to the house with Harm, we go inside to find my dad and Sarah talking. We overhear part of what they're saying.  
  
"Sarah why...after so many years?" My dad questions, as he rests his hand on her leg and gazes at her with a look that was so full of love, it's almost indescribable.  
  
"First of all I wanted you to know that you have a son, even if at the time I thought you didn't want him. I also wanted to meet the girl that my son has fallen in love with. And, most of all, I decided I couldn't live without you in my life anymore." She looks at him and leans into him. She whispers something else into his ear, her eyes shining, but I can't make out what she's saying to him.   
  
"I love you too and I have all this time. God, Mac, We've wasted so much of it! As if it were nothing; as if it were there for the taking whenever we wanted. Like grasping sand on a beach. The minutes were endless to us." He says as he touches her face and kisses her with all the tied up passion I had always suspected he has had for her these past years.She takes her hand and pulls out a necklace that has a ring on it. He looked at her with his face aghast.  
  
"You still have the ring! Oh Sarah, would you still marry me after so many years." Her answer was another kiss.   
  
"Of course I will, I still love you. Now we are complete family again.   
  
But what are we going to do about our two love birds that are hovering outside of this room?" Sarah queries.  
  
Hearing this Harm grabs my hand and we walk into the living room. Before anyone can say anything I speak what is on my mind.   
  
"I love Harm and no one is going to make me leave him." Harm wraps his arms around me.  
  
"The same goes for me." He asserts.  
  
"Beth, I think there's something you should know. On the trip that I went on I found out that your mom had lied to me. My brother is not your father. They never even slept together. She just said it because I kept on saying that he was the father and she was tired of agreeing with me.   
  
She had admitted this to a nurse in the hospital when she was half under. The nurse had contacted me recently, and asked to meet with me. You guys aren't cousins. I am only your guardian, even though you have called me your dad all these years. So, you two can be two together if you like. " I could not believe my ears!  
  
"Come here Beth and give me a hug will you." Sarah asks sweetly.   
  
Harm and I leave our parents by themselves and we go outside where he kisses me. Back in the living room my guardian, who has always been like a dad to me, rather, and his new wife to be are kissing.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Two weeks later my dad and Sarah get married. Young Harm is happy that he gets to live with his girlfriend but our parents are being really hard on us about being in each others room after 10 pm. And, I am the happiest I have ever been.   
  
Love is the one thing that can live though the ages.  
  
Love is a simple kiss at sunset with the one you love.  
  
Love will heal all broken wounds.   
  
El Fin. 


End file.
